California drivers have always had the reputation of being overly cautious, somewhat slow, with an overwhelming desire to roll through just about every stop sign that crosses their path.

But ladies and gentlemen, Santa Barbara motorists are another story.

Seriously, people in this town cannot drive. Cannot with a capital C. I shouldn’t find myself scared to leave my front door with the thought that today might be the day some idiot rams into my car.

There is a plethora of evidence to support this fact. First, just spend five minutes observing one of the many traffic circles, or roundabouts, that we have in our town. It’s unclear as to why we have these traffic circles in the first place. Maybe the city wanted to be more European, maybe they thought it cut down traffic, but it was a horrible idea.

The difference between a four way stop and a traffic circle is obviously the stop. Stop signs have the word STOP written on them in giant letters and reflect the shape of an octagon. This means stop.

Now, on the other hand, a traffic circle has a different sign, a triangle with the word YIELD written on it. This means that if a car is coming, you should probably stop and YIELD for that car so they don’t smash into you.

Likewise, try and picture this. It could be 9 o’clock in the morning. Cars are everywhere, they’re backed up Milpas for a block or so, people are honking, screaming, some even crying and praying. And then some bozo decides not to yield, instead flying right through the oncoming traffic and smashes into some old lady heading to the grocery store.

Santa Barbara, if Europeans can figure traffic circles out, then why can’t we?

Another issue resident roadsters have is their speed control. Pulling onto the freeway, one arrives in the farthest right lane, generally regarded by most as the slow lane. In the slow lane, drivers are expected to maintain a speed that’s probably anywhere between 60 and 65 mph. Acceptable, right?

Wrong. Many SB drivers instead drive so slow that it makes me wonder how anybody is ever on time.

The furthest left lane is left for the elite. Those drivers know where they’re going and are on a mission to get there. But instead, it’s usually bogged down by the people that should be three to four lanes to the right. And that is ridiculous.

Next time you see some road construction, pull over, get out, and spend a little time watching the cars go by it. You will laugh. And you will laugh hard.

And of course we are all guilty of talking on the phone while driving every once in a while, but if you can’t even drive, don’t try to talk on the phone while doing it.

I’m not saying this town doesn’t have any good drivers, as there are many, and I’m also not saying that I’m the best of the best. But I am saying this-if you choose to get behind the wheel in this town, then please know what the heck you’re doing.