The news site of Santa Barbara City College.

The Channels

The news site of Santa Barbara City College.

The Channels

The news site of Santa Barbara City College.

The Channels

SBCC student regrets choosing first love over first-choice college

The Channels Opinion Pages | STAFF COLUMN

One year ago, I decided to stay home for college to be with my boyfriend.

Ten days after the decision deadline— he broke up with me.

I was a senior in high school. Desperate to leave Ventura, California, I whined about how much I hated my hometown, like the typical teen I was.

I tried getting my grades up in hopes of being accepted to an exceptional college.

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Then, he came along— my first love.

I fell in love just a couple months before I had to make one of the biggest decisions of my life.

I had known this boy for about a year but we were strictly friends before this point. Then I asked him to senior ball.

We grew closer, and the closer we got, the more I liked him.

Things moved fast but I did not mind in the slightest. My body ached in anxiety for him whenever we were apart.

From the start, it was not a healthy relationship for either of us.

The moment I received my first college acceptance to Colorado State University, I was eccentric. Finally, I could get out of Ventura. Finally, I could experience freedom from my parents. Finally, my hard work in high school would pay off.

Moments later, I began to cry. There was one problem with all this–I was in love.

Before this point, I always believed it was pathetic for young couples to make major life decisions based on a temporary person. It all seemed so desperate and pointless. I had never seen myself as one of these people.

Yet there I was—obsessed with this boy that I had only dated for two months.

Maybe I liked the attention. He was the first person who cared about me on a romantic level. Although, most of the time, I was begging for him to notice me.

Or maybe I really just loved him. To this day, I can’t figure out why exactly. But I do know it was more than infatuation. He was truly my first love.

We were only together for a couple months. What was I thinking? I was making such a huge decision based on a person I knew in my heart was only temporary.

Along came the decision deadline for Colorado State University, my first choice of colleges I had been accepted to.

Yet, I didn’t accept it.

I told my family I wasn’t ready to go away, that I needed more time to prepare to leave the nest. I was lying about the real motivator behind my decision, ashamed deep down of what I had done.

I was completely blind to what was coming next.

As far as I could tell, our relationship was better than ever. I felt closer to him, more comfortable with him and more in love with him every day.

Ten days later, I went over to his house, just like I had dozens of times before, and I was astounded at what he had to say.

He told me we shouldn’t be together anymore. He said he could never love me. He was still in love with someone else.

Dumbfounded, I pathetically cried to him for hours, screaming at him for leading me on. I admitted to him that I wasn’t going away to college so I could be with him.

My efforts to hang on to him were pointless. He just held me and told me to stop screaming.

During the next few months, I spent a lot of time attempting to cope with my loss, all while trying to prepare for the next step in my life.

I realized that while I no longer had the power to go away to a university, that didn’t mean I was trapped.

City College was far enough from home to allow me to feel as though I was getting away. It was also close enough to not move out of my house. It was the best choice I had.

I need to get away from my past life and start over.

The biggest lesson I learned is to never make a life decision based on other people.

Live your life for yourself, or else you’ll end up living with a list of regrets.

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