The news site of Santa Barbara City College.

The Channels

The news site of Santa Barbara City College.

The Channels

The news site of Santa Barbara City College.

The Channels

Marijuana makes you SAMRTER

Marijuana is the main cause of illegal drug abuse in this country. Although it impairs coordination, many of my friends say that marijuana makes them smarter. I personally question their conclusion.

The other day I was sitting around at my friend’s house. Maybe I was eating pizza. Or maybe I was watching T.V. I don’t remember, but I asked a group of marijuana smokers whether or not they believed marijuana makes them brighter.

They approached me intently, as if I was a bong, and floored me with a defense of their sacred ritual.

“Of course dude, it sure does!” one said.

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“…And dude! Dude that’s crazy, man,” said another.

Trying to keep a conversation with these guys was like talking to a troop of apes.

It appeared to me that the main effect of dope was to turn their native tongue of English into a second language-in fact, one of them was faking a British accent.

But it wasn’t until they started answering open-ended questions with open-ended questions that I began to wonder about what effects this so-called “vitamin” has on their intelligence.

My friends are good guys, but most of them would be willing to get Mad-Cow Disease in order to qualify for a medical marijuana prescription.

They advocate its use avidly, and even pledge to smoke until they have to wear colostomy bags, and have more wrinkles than skin pores.

Some of the points they made were valuable. For instance, smoking marijuana does have benefits for treating pain in the terminally ill.

It stops nausea and helps appetite loss caused by advanced cancer and AIDS, as well as other diseases. It also acts as a sedative that reduces anxiety, which in itself may have therapeutic properties.

My friends all agreed that when they are under the influence of marijuana they think slower, therefore they are more aware of their surroundings. This means that instead of multitasking they can concentrate on one thing at the time, and pay more attention to detail.

Although I would dare say that these guys are no D.A.R.E. graduates, these baked thinkers have pretty high IQs. And when I say “high,” I don’t just mean a score over 140.

My friends continued to argue for 45 minutes about whether or not lower stress factors help you do better in school, and how marijuana can help contribute to this effect.

“If the grass is greener on the other side of the fence, smoke it,” one of them philosophized.

Testing the waters of their argument, I think that marijuana does help you relax.

However, it ultimately creates an addiction that interrupts your life. It’s also expensive, socially impairing, creates memory loss and other symptoms I cannot remember.

As I sat among wrappers of Cheetos, Doritos and pickles that smelled like athlete’s foot, I couldn’t help but notice how distant everyone was during our conversation.

Not being able to communicate with them was a little frustrating-on the verge of annoying. Kind of like waking up to a Sarah McLaughlin song on the radio.

I must admit that as much as I liked patronizing their 4.20 GPA, it was still quite the “dude challenge” to stand ignored among a relaxed, long-haired, salami-smelling crowd that could not stay on topic.

One of my cannabis knowledgeable friends even recited all the names that have been given to marijuana. Some of those names I can’t even pronounce. They sounded more like the latest line of Paul Mitchell‘s shampoos.

Marijuana does have its pros, but also its fair share of cons. If you are one of those people who, after smoking, thinks that Einstein and Galileo had better watch their backs, don’t do it before a test, before a class, or while operating heavy machinery.

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