It seems these days the news is becoming less about news, and more about celebrity nonsense, as I like to call it.

From breakups to breakdowns, that little ticker on the bottom of national news broadcasts usually offers some sort of glimpse into something that, frankly, I really don’t care about.

For example, a few weeks ago, a major national news outlet that shall remain nameless (cough, CNN) reported on their website’s homepage that Jessica Simpson’s little pooch was snatched up and gobbled down by some hungry coyotes.

Yeah, it’s sad, but is it really headline news?

No, it’s not. It’s not at all. It isn’t something people need to know. Many people own dogs and understand the pain of losing one. It’s heartbreaking. But it has no place next to the dangers of swine flu, the ongoing healthcare debate, or the name of Jon Gosselin’s latest crush.

Speaking of Jon Gosselin (one-tenth of the reality show turned nightmare, “Jon and Kate Plus 8”), we should ask, “Am I really seeing this guy’s name on the news, every single day?”

And the answer is yes.

“Jon and Kate Plus 8” has been big time “news” ever since the couple began going through patchy relationship issues sometime back. First, Jon was spotted with other women. Then, it was announced the couple was going through some hard times. Then Jon went to France with one of his girlfriends. Then the couple separated. Then Kate filed for divorce. And now, TLC has announced that they’ve changed the name of the show to “Kate Plus 8”.

How does America know all this? We read the “news”.

The dictionary defines newsworthy as “of sufficient interest to the public or a special audience to warrant press attention or coverage.”

Does the public really have sufficient interest in the private lives of two meaningless individuals? Apparently it does.

A search for “Michael Jackson” on Google News came up with 41,461 articles written in the last month, three months after he died. A search for “war in Iraq” came up with just 31,044.

Of course the King of Pop’s untimely death is headline news. It was headline news for days, as it should be, back in June. But after all this time, such coverage isn’t really necessary.

There was a time not long ago when has-been Britney Spears couldn’t break a nail without it being covered by every news outlet in the country. I remember seeing reports of “exclusive video” of the Britney Spears head shaving fiasco. The only thing exclusive about it is that it’s exclusively despicable.

Absolutely disgusting.

As the news editor of this paper, I’m learning exactly what warrants news coverage and what kind of coverage that certain event deserves.

If I want to read about all this celebrity nonsense, I’ll read the gossip blogs. But I don’t. So I read the news. Or what’s left of it.