As he approached me and quickly grabbed my hips from behind, pretending we’re in the bedroom instead of on a dance floor, I couldn’t help but wonder: Are there girls who actually accept this?
As a newcomer to Santa Barbara, I couldn’t resist joining a couple of new friends at one of the most popular nightclubs in the city.
Since I love dancing, it didn’t take long to get me on the dance floor, moving my body to the rhythm.
And it certainly didn’t take long until someone was rubbing up against me, trying to feel me.
When I walked outside to catch my breath – because you know, girls actually have to breathe sometimes – I started to think about all this.
What happened to being old fashioned, buying someone a drink and flirting from the other side of the bar? In old movies there aren’t people dancing like they’re in a bedroom.
While I was outside taking a break, I started to think of myself as an object. What the hell am I wearing? Why did I choose to wear this short skirt? Is it because I’m Swedish, like I’ve heard before?
At first, I thought it was my fault that I felt this disgustingly vulgar. But then, it all became clear to me. Women should theoretically be able to walk through a crowd wearing nothing at all without getting sexually assaulted. Don’t you agree?
I’m not dumb. I know what I consider sexual assault is probably not the same definition as most. According to the Santa Barbara Rape Crisis Center, sexual assault is any forced or coerced sexual contact against a person’s will.
Grabbing me from behind, starting to touch everything I got without permission-and without even looking into my eyes first-is definitely in line with that description, don’t you think?
Don’t get me wrong here, I don’t hate men. I love men. I make love to men. And I’m certainly not scared of men.
It’s the acceptance of things that we would never accept outside of the club that really scares me.
And this is happening everywhere. I’ve been dancing at nightclubs all the way from New Zealand to England. But don’t close your eyes now. Without a doubt, girls will feel humiliated and objectified in a Santa Barbara nightclub on a nightly basis.
According to the Rape Crisis Center, college age women are four times more likely to be sexually assaulted than any other age group.
This actually had me worrying for my future daughter. Our future daughters.
I’m a true believer in the human being. You can think and act from what you believe is right.
What about those stripper poles placed in that club? Think about it. Someone actually put them up there. Could that person have done something different?
I will no longer let anyone feel like they own me on the dance floor. This weekend, I hope and believe that you will try it as well.
And for the record, no one owns me on the dance floor.