One day I want to earn my living working as a writer.
The restaurant, however, is the workplace which I always find myself crawling back.
Restaurant work seems to be a common pit stop for those who want to pursue bigger dreams. Restaurant work has allowed me to meet people who want to be local firefighters, full-time musicians, real estate tycoons, and even some who have college degrees from big-time universities. Working short hours and making cold hard cash every night is what kept me coming back.
Looking back on the few memories I have of elementary school, I don’t recall hearing anyone at “show and tell” brag about how they wanted to be professional bus boys.
Personally, I’ve never been one to drool over the thought of waiting for parties to leave and fanning heavy plates all night. Although we wear white collars and a tie, bussing dishes can is really blue-collar work.
Balancing stacks of porcelain and silver while taking coffee orders is no fun. And don’t get me started on the guests, who act as if their sole purpose of dining out is to act as if they are judges on “Top Chef.” Whoever came up with the motto “the customer is always right,” should die a slow and painful death.
Others just can’t keep it simple, so instead they take pleasure in watching me attempt to remember their order of a skinny decaf latte tuxedo style-no foam.
Even after the service is done, some people still don’t know how to tip. For the protection of some of the Japanese and Canadians who are unaware of the tipping system, here’s a little cheat sheet to ensure that your server won’t resort to stabbing the voodoo doll dressed with the napkin you used:
If you tip 5 percent: You should be booed out of the restaurant, dumped by your date for being a cheap skate, and be banned from eating out.
If you tip 10 percent: Back in the ’80s this might have been reasonable, so you can consider yourself a stingy penny-pincher.
If you tip 15 percent: Well, we won’t boo you out of the restaurant, but these days 17-18 percent is the new standard of being a good-tipper.
If you tip 20 percent and up: You should be applauded, and can consider yourself a proud diner who truly appreciates good service.
Besides the money, I must say that working in the restaurant does have its share of pros. You learn about how business works, how people work, and talking smack in the bus stations about certain diners is always fun too.
I also understand that some individuals truly have a passion to learn about food, wine, and service, all while maintaining the etiquette of serving from the left and clearing from the right.
But as for myself, I never want to be considered as the person who, quite strategically, kisses someone else’s ass for a living.
One day I’ll be able day work with my brain instead of my back.
