Column: Arcade games in bars a way to find prince charming

Lauren Woods , Staff Writer

In America, we believe in hunting, loving and winning.

So, it’s not such a shock to see fascination with violence, sex and money dawn upon bar activities in more than the usual way.

I’m talking Big Buck Hunter. The arcade video game with hype featured in local bars like The Neighborhood, Old Kings Road and Santa Barbara Brewing Company; even online on a national level.

The hunting hit that glues together two things I thought were unglue-able: landing a lady and playing video games in tandem.

“What are you doing with a pen and notebook? Want to play a game?” he said to me.

“Do you mean—do I—want you to insert a buck into that so I can kill a buck?” I thought.

Okay, I admit it: I’m biased. I’m the girlfriend of a Black-Ops junkie—yes, that’s “Call of Duty” I’m referring to — and, I’m a “Halo”-hater. I cringe at the exclamation “zombies!” I live in fear of console and controller.

I. Hate. Video games.

But after observing couple after couple hit the arcade machine, I thought, “wait a minute, women alike can take advantage of a situation like this.”

Logistics first: pay one dollar for a trek (game) and receive five rounds, where you choose an animal and location and blow as many males as you can, dead. Blast bonus critters and your trophy animal too.

However, shoot a doe and you’re done.

I’m still observing, watching boy take girl to play one of three machines: Big Buck Hunter World Tournament, Big Buck Hunter Pro Open Season or Big Buck Safari.

And it made me think, why fight it when we can embrace it?

Men use the game as a pick-up tool at these local bars like The Neighborhood, why don’t we women use it as an opening too?

You see. This type of guy that hangs close by machines has many qualities, many pros, you just didn’t know.

Take hunting for example. If a man has a video game-mania for hunting – PRO. This means he has a love for the outdoors.

First. If a man empties his pockets, George Washington after George Washington, for a chance to shoot a plastic gun, we can assume he’s not that poor – PRO. Clearly, he is willing to pay for other fun things that you can do together.

Second. That anger, that brimming neurosis over losing or missing a shot believe it or not, is a PRO. Translation: he is passionate.

Third, his competitiveness. The I-can-do-anything-better-than-you attitude – PRO. He is goal-driven and wants to be successful.

And lastly, if you have that grudge that he invests too much time getting headshots and hitting vital areas, you guessed it – PRO. He possesses dedication and commitment, daunting attributes that in a different mind frame, we might have otherwise passed up.

So ladies, it’s not just a video game, it’s a dating game. Get out there and hunt to win the right love.

But if you can’t take the vulgarity of slutty safari girls winking your way through blurred rounds of buck, blowing virtual smoke from their gun shafts’ and you truly don’t find the buck hunter of your dreams, remember this: tips 1 through 4 are interchangeable as CONS.