“Bohemian Rhapsody” by William Shatner
Reviewed by Reghan Jameson
It’s been a little over a year since William Shatner released his cover of “Bohemian Rhapsody,” and it’s still as transcendentally insane and nostalgic now as it was then.
Shatner’s excruciating interpretation of the Queen hit was released on his 2011 album, “Seeking Major Tom” and was strangely able to take the #1 spot on the Billboard Heatseekers Chart. The Canadians, however, made a much wiser decision by rating his third album #147 on the Canadian Albums Chart.
His voice throughout the song reflects that of a narrator, as opposed to a singing baritone. It may be a blessing in disguise, considering Shatner’s craft was never music.
The music video depicts Shatner’s face taking the place of the moon and speaking to a young couple laying on a grassy hill. With fireballs crashing to earth and meteorites speedily whizzing past Shatner’s face, it is clear that his “Star Trek” roots remain firmly planted.
Even Shatner’s response to the video was elusive, calling it a “space unit opera in a space unit.”
For the sanity of listeners, Shatner’s only commitment should remain in negotiating airfare prices.
Rating: 1.5 out of 5
“Stars Are Blind” by Paris Hilton
Reviewed by Travis Taborek
In June 2006, Paris Hilton released her debut single “Stars Are Blind,” sealing herself in the long line of celebrities delusional enough to believe they can pursue a career in music.
“Stars Are Blind” garnered some success by placing 16th on the U.S. Pop Song billboard and charting in the top five on the UK singles chart. The song would be included in her first album entitled “Paris.”
Although I convinced myself to try to listen to the song with an open mind, my expectations were already low. When I sat down for my first listen, my attention span had already wandered to more mentally stimulating activities, like taking out the trash or clipping my toenails. It’s a run-of-the-mill love song serving as little more than a vehicle for Hilton’s weak, wilting, auto-tuned voice.
The slow reggae beat that accentuates the rhythm is the one aspect of the song that enthused me as a long-time ska and reggae enthusiast who has been spoiled by the likes of Laurel Aitken, The Skatalites, Madness and The Specials. It just wasn’t enough to make me take the Hilton’s Rastafarian influences seriously.
Eventually, I learned that the reggae riff was the idea of the song’s producer Fernando Garibay who has worked with Lady Gaga, Britney Spears and Enrique Inglesias. It says something that the sole memorable feature of this work was the contribution of the producer, rather than that of the heiress to one of the largest hotel chains in the world.
Initially, I was predisposed to assume this song would be unpleasant and grating, but instead it was dull, vapid, artificial and unsatisfying. In that sense, it could be said that Ms. Hilton’s endeavor into music exceeded my expectations.
Rating: 2.5 out of 5
“Respect Yourself” by Bruce Willis
Reviewed by Madison Paglia
Bruce Willis and his attempted jump from acting to singing in the 1987 hit “ Respect Yourself” is a comical white boy soul song that is hard to take seriously.
The cover from Willis’s first album “The Return of Bruno” featured Booker T. Jones and June Pointer of the Pointer Sisters. It spiked to number five on the Billboard Hot 100 singles chart.
Originally sung by an American gospel group called The Staple Singers, Willis’ somewhat tolerable cover still sends a positive message and turns catchy once the soul-pop chorus chimes in.
Willis sings, “Respect yourself / Respect yourself / If you don’t respect yourself /Ain’t nobody gonna give a good / Ca-hoot na na na oh oh / Respect yourself.”
Willis’ rough and manly singing voice complements Pointer’s strong vocals and R&B style. The duo packs the necessary punch and gives the song a little more spice and a sexy edge.
It is hard enough to take John McClane seriously as a singer and didn’t make it any easier with his stage name “Bruno” in this song’s music video and album.
There is nothing that kills his potential fame as a pop star than the electrifying harmonica solo Willis rips out after the last chorus.
Regardless, “Respect Yourself” was Willis’s most popular song as his following singles were not nearly as successful.
Still, the undiscouraged Willis released a second album in 1989 and a third in 2001.
Willis’ cover of “Respect Yourself” is a little piece of the ‘80s and you can’t deny the guy credit for his bold ambition to sing ballads and fight terrorists.
Rating: 3 out of 5
